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Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Does Ted Kennedy Ever Make Any Sense?

In a Washington Post article coming out on Wednesday, Sen. Edward M. Kennedy (D-MA), in commenting on President Bush's impending second Supreme Court nomination, invokes images of the Katrina aftermath.

"What the American people have seen is this incredible disparity in which those people who had cars and money got out and those people who were impoverished died," Kennedy stated. Roberts needs to be asked whether he stands for "a fairer, more just nation" or for "narrow, stingy interpretations of the law to frustrate progress."

What in the world does the Katrina evacuation have to do with John Roberts' qualification for Supreme Court Chief Justice? I'm trying to imagine what the questions Kennedy might want to ask and the answers he thinks Roberts might give would sound like.

Kennedy: "Judge Roberts, do you believe the laws of the United States should be fair to everyone?"

Roberts: "Absolutely, except for poor people."

Kennedy: "Can you elaborate on what you mean by 'except for poor people'?"

Roberts: "I believe that we need a certain percentage of the population to be poor. Otherwise, how would those of us who are rich know we are rich? We must have someone who is poor to compare ourselves to."

Kennedy: "But surely you believe that everyone deserves to have a car."

Roberts: "Why do poor people need a car? They don't even have a job, and if they don't have a job, they don't need a car."

Kennedy: "Well, shouldn't the government provide them with a job?"

Roberts: "No."

Kennedy: "Why not?"

Roberts: "Because then they would need a car."

Kennedy: "Alright, forget the car. Let's move on. Are you in favor of frustrating progress?"

Roberts: "Of course."

Kennedy: "But why would you want to frustrate progress?"

Roberts: "Because I'm one of those cold-hearted conservatives."

Kennedy: "Are you saying that you are for narrow, stingy interpretations of the law?"

Roberts: "Of course I am. That's what I'm trying to tell you. I'm a narrow-minded, stingy conservative. Did I mention that I'm in favor of poor people? In favor of having lots of them, that is. I'm sure I mentioned that earlier. Now how can we continue to have lots of poor people if we don't frustrate progress?"

Kennedy: "Never mind, I need a drink!"

2 Comments:

Blogger Malott said...

Thanks Bryan, I hadn't smiled yet this morning.

The Kennedy family continues to prove that you don't need intelligence to maintain mystique.

6:14 AM  
Blogger Pat Munsey said...

(laughing my butt off)

10:08 AM  

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