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Monday, April 19, 2010

Report: Icelandic volcano caused by global warming

By Bryan Alexander
The Satirical Times

Professor Phil Jones, director of the climatic research unit at the University of East Anglia in Norwich, has determined that the eruption of the Icelandic volcano, which is causing so much havoc over much of Europe, was caused by global warming.

"This past winter was much colder than normal, which was a direct result of warmer global temperatures, causing increased evaporation of the earth’s ocean waters," Jones explained.  "When this increased volume of evaporated water reached the cooler temperatures of the upper layers of our atmosphere, the water vapor  began to freeze, causing record snowfall over much of the planet."  

Jones pointed out that the record snowfall caused the frigid temperatures that we experienced this winter.  According to Jones, "The cold quickly brought down the temperature of the Iceland volcano, causing it to contract and forcing the mass eruption that we have seen."

Former Vice President Al Gore, commenting on Jones’ finding said, “For eight years, the Bush administration ignored the science of climate change, choosing instead to waste precious resources on fighting terrorism.  The real threat is and always has been the excessive use of SUV’s and incandescent light bulbs.  The Bush administration dropped the ball on the real threat to humanity, and now we’re paying the price.

President Obama pointed to the eruption as evidence of the urgency of passing climate change legislation. “Congress needs to put aside partisian bickering and get this done as soon as possible.  My administration has been working hard on this, and I want the cap and trade bill on my desk by June.  The sooner we get this done, the sooner I’ll be able to stop the oceans from rising… uh… evaporating.  We’re closer to that goal today than we’ve ever been before, but you have to remember that I inherited one of the worst climate environments in history, and these things take time.”

3 Comments:

Blogger Christina said...

Sadly, I won't be at all surprised to read something eerily similar in the NY Times or on CNN.

What a joke this whole "climate change" is. Except it's not at all funny.

10:21 PM  
Blogger Bryan Alexander said...

I agree 100%, Christina.

9:10 PM  
Anonymous Scott said...

Let me get this straight: So warmer global temperatures actually caused the temperature to decrease, which caused the volcanoes to go off, and this is all caused by man.... Makes sense to me.

My only question would be what caused the volcanos to erupt when dinosaurs were around.

8:47 PM  

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