You just can't make up stuff this good.

"A North Pole expedition meant to bring attention to global warming was called off after one of the explorers got frostbite. The explorers, Ann Bancroft and Liv Arnesen, on Saturday called off what was intended to be a 530-mile trek across the Arctic Ocean after Arnesen suffered frostbite in three of her toes, and extreme cold temperatures drained the batteries in some of their electronic equipment.

"Ann said losing toes and going forward at all costs was never part of the journey," said Ann Atwood, who helped organize the expedition.
...

"The explorers had planned to call in regular updates to school groups by satellite phone, and had planned online posts with photographic evidence of global warming."

ILLEGALS MURDER 12 AMERICANS
Democrats Call for Redeployment of U.S. Citizens

By Bryan Alexander
The Satirical Times

After twelve more Americans were murdered yesterday by illegal immigrants, Rep. John Murtha (D-PA) has called for the immediate redeployment of all United States citizens from the United States.

“We have become the primary target of the illegal immigrants," Murtha said on NBC's Meet the Press. “The fact that we’re here has become a catalyst for violence. It's time for us to leave."

When moderator Tim Russert asked Murtha about possible sites for citizen redeployment, Murtha said, “We can go someplace safe, but nearby... someplace where we could get back here quickly should the illegals ever decide to give us our country back... someplace like Canada or Okinawa.”

Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy (D-MA) agreed with Murtha and said the situation in the United States today has become a “quagmire.”

“Americans are being murdered every day by people who are just coming here to make a better life for themselves and their families. We can’t really blame the illegal immigrants. It’s our presence in this country that’s causing this. If we weren’t here, they wouldn’t be murdering us.”

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) made it clear that she also supports Murtha’s plan. “I believe redeployment of our citizens is a step toward stability in the region,” the Speaker said.

Yesterday’s murders bring the total number of Americans murdered this year by illegals to 4,380. Since Sept. 11, 2001, over 21,900 Americans have been murdered by illegal aliens.

In addition to the murders, there are about 240,000 illegal immigrant sex offenders in the United States, with an average of four victims each.

In spite of these numbers, Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY) has refused to admit that she made a mistake when she voted to authorize Captain John Smith’s 1607 invasion of Jamestown. That vote has put Mrs. Clinton in a precarious position, given her status as the frontrunner for the Democrat Party’s presidential nomination.

In trying to appease the far left, while at the same time trying to appeal to more moderate Democrats, Clinton had this to say:

“I take full responsibility for my vote. However, knowing what I know now, I never would have voted for authorization. Obviously, mistakes have been made by those who misled us into coming to this country. Our occupation of this land has been mismanaged from the beginning.”